See, in the mind of a dog with no sense of context or object permanence, the doorbell triggers a small thought bubble, which contains a small man wearing a mask and wearing a crowbar, standing at our front door. Although it does not exist, the dogs rush to the front door making as much noise as possible in order to scare it away. To date, their record is spotless.
For this reason, Halloween is my nemesis. Loud tiny kids in costumes, moving quickly and frantically and ringing the doorbell. What could be worse? Five hours in a row of head barking.
I must admit that this past Halloween, I got dark. I sat in my house as if I was waiting for an air raid.
To make matters worse, my next door neighbor had built an elaborate system of pulleys and cables on which skeletons and various other ghosts flew around his front yard. Very impressive. A crowd gathered outside his house to watch the show. I know this because I hid by the front door to get rid of the trash and saw the crowds. I suddenly realized I might be spotted and quickly reversed my steps, afraid of being caught off guard and forever marked as ‘the kid who hates kids’.
I am clearly not the only one affected by the doorbell problem. I recently visited an Internet forum – is there another place with more reliable information? – which has given rise to numerous complaints.